The holidays are meant to be a happy time but for various reasons they often fail to measure up to our expectations, however unrealistic they may be at times. Suffice it to say not all of our lives are Hallmark movies in the making. So we should not be too surprised when relationships go sideways during this typically stressful time of the year.

And even though Linda and I are very blessed in many ways, our familial relationships have been sources of considerable angst. Unfortunately, living closer to family has not proven to be a tonic for our fractured ties. It is as author Reeve Lindbergh describes in her memoir, “The end of connection, the end of relationship, is such a dissolving phenomenon…Little by little, quickly or slowly, the ties unbind.”  

For my part, I have made it a practice to not chase after other people in a misguided effort to salvage dysfunctional relationships. If others are not willing to deal with issues and apologize for offenses, I remind myself I am better off without the associated stress and even sickness. As scripture reminds us, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”

“Forgiveness is accepting the apology you will never get,” suggests Kevin Kelly, author of Excellent Advice for Living: Wisdom I Wish I’d Known Earlier, adding “A proper apology consists of conveying the 3 Rs: regret, responsibility, and remedy.” Yet, whether or not we ever get one, Linda and I forgive others while distancing ourselves from the dysfunction.

I am sharing from personal experience here to try and spare others the heartache of unnecessary relational grief resulting from vainly striving to sustain relations all on one’s own. I learned a long time ago that healthy relationships involve reciprocity and lousy ones suck the life from you. So, here is hoping you and yours have a happy AND healthy holiday season!